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2020 Reflections

2020 has been a bit of a train wreck hasn’t it. For me it will always be the year I lost my Mum. The year I had my second daughter. The year I chose voluntary redundancy and the year I started doing nails seriously and had to shut after 2 months. It will be the year I lost my mother in law and my Nan in law. Not to mention the year we stayed home and I did maternity leave almost all alone.

Now that’s out the way, it was the year my Mum got to meet my daughter and bond with her. It was the year she got to cradle her in her arms and look into her eyes so lovingly and they really did have a connection. It was the year we spent time in the garden eating ice lolly’s and hosting parties of 6! It was the year of the sunshine and continuous summer days. It was the year I became an auntie to a baby boy and my Mum and Dad were blessed with a now total of 3 grandchildren.

It was the year my father in law turned 70 and we gathered in the garden and ate cake. It was the year they got to see the grandchildren from afar. It was the year my mother in law got to meet her new granddaughter.

It was the year I slipped a disc in my back and had to use crutches, couldn’t climb the stairs, couldn’t drive and ended up in a&e. It was the year my Mum who was so poorly herself had to look after me. It was the time I broke lockdown with the doctors orders to have someone help me lift my baby. It was the time I said no to giving up breastfeeding for the sake of stronger pain relief. It was the year my Mums strength came through like it always did, knackered and exhausted taking care of her youngest baby, me!

It was the year I created a website for families and people with a love of the great outdoors. I made it from scratch on my own so that was a great achievement and my Mum was oh so proud.

It was the year I turned 30 and my parents visited my front door. I asked my Mum for brownies using her sparkly new kitchenaid she had and she told me she didn’t work with chocolate! But she then presents me a box and inside was the most insanely chocolatey gooey brownies I’ve ever had the pleasure to eat. Her face lit up as she handed them to me and I was so grateful. I’m glad I took a photo of them and the little label she made me.

It was the year I threw an epic surprise garden party for my boyfriend. I blagged the blagger and he had no idea! This was during the very brief time we were allowed to party hard in the garden with friends and oh did we party! We had a fire pit, loud music and a million pots of chilli con Carne made by my Dad and I.

It was the year we had strength we didn’t know existed. It was the year my head was as strong as it’s ever been. It was the year I realised I hadn’t lost my Mum entirely. It was the year I realised I had to use her strength, I had to learn from her, I had to be a person she’d be proud of. It was the year I knew for certain she was all around me. Not in person but her beautiful soul. It was the year I spoke at her funeral with courage and pride.

It was the year I started looking after myself. It was the year I started taking time for me. It was the year I embarked on a fitness journey and the year I started, slowly, loving myself again.

It was the year that tested every single one of us. And the year which we all have learnt from. It was the year that made us keep going. It was the year that took us through waves of the lowest of the low and not many highs. It was the year that kept giving for the wrong reasons but the year we made it through. And the year we’ve almost left behind.

It’s the year we fought. Be proud. Be grateful.


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