Updated: Jun 4, 2020
Both of my babies I was induced due to having Gestational Diabetes.
I decided to write a diary of my experience in hospital because I was induced with my first born, Daisy. Her induction took 2 days and my waters broke on their own.
From being 4cm to having Daisy was only 1 hour and I was in a lot of pain especially as Daisy was back to back. I was left on an understaffed ward and taken by wheelchair to the labour ward only to arrive and be 10cm dialated. To say it was fast for a first birth is an understatement. I can’t remember most of it and I only realised 2.5 years later during my second pregnancy that I was actually a little traumatized by the experience. I booked an after birth talk with a senior midwife to understand more of what happened. Once Daisy was born I lost a lot of blood and my partner was asked to press the emergency buzzer. All was fine of course. Then my partner asked why Daisy was blue. The midwife then asked him to ring the buzzer again and she was taken from us. It wasn’t until 2.5 years later at the chat with a midwife we were told she was unresponsive and had to have oxygen. Very common I’m told and she was absolutely fine but it’s scary none the less. Due to the whirlwind birth we never asked what happened to Daisy in those minutes she was behind a curtain. We assumed she was just having a rub down.
During baby no2 Induction process I was petrified of going into labour in the ward and the same happening again. As you read through my diary you may realise I repeat myself a lot. The diary is unedited and raw. I sound ridiculous in parts but the fear of a fast unassisted labour was taking over me at times.
Induction day 1
39+1 weeks pregnant
I really thought I had a chance of going into labour naturally. It’s 7am and I’m awake and about to get ready to call the hospital at 8am.
I feel calm. I feel excited and I feel worried. I’m worried it’ll be too fast and I’m worried I won’t know I’m in labour, I say this because I went from 4cm to having Daisy in one hour and didn’t reach the labour ward until fully dilated and so I’m worried I’ll be left on the ward again and won’t have time to get to a private room!! I’ll probably laugh about that later as I’m sure this time it will be pretty obvious that I’m about to have a baby and they’ll know it could be quick!
I’ve not told anyone I’m being induced. I don’t want the pressure or opinions. I dont want to be told it’ll be fast if it’s not. I don’t want messages asking how I’m doing if it’s not going well. I just want time for me and my partner. Daisys induction took two days and we didn’t tell anyone but family that time either. It’s more calming for me to shut down outside influences so I can concentrate on myself, my body, Daisy, my partner and the huge change that’s pending.
8am Crept by rather quickly and Ive called the ward and they’ve told me to shower and eat and then go to the hospital. I mean who are they kidding, I’ve been ready and waiting before 8am! Daisys at preschool this morning then going to a friends for a play date so she has a nice day planned. Then for a big sleepover at my Mum and Dads in her new big bed which she uses as a trampoline but I’ll let them deal with that!
I still feel very calm and positive. And as my partner keeps reminding me, I coped so well with Daisy that I can for sure do this again!
0930 And we’ve arrived at our bed! It’s weird. Like it’s so different to what I remember so maybe it’s changed ward or I’m in a different bay. I’m not going to lie it feels weird and perhaps I’d like to be where I was last time! Didn’t realise I was the type to take comfort in things being the same or similar. Being induced and waiting around gives you so much time to think though. I’m in ward 10. It’s deathly silent, I want to talk to my partner but I won’t, there’s a strange vibe in here and all the women are alone.
Waiting to be seen. I am nervous. Nervous as though I’m about to board oblivion, the partner is as cool as a cucumber. It’s also very warm in here and I’m gagging for water so off on the hunt the parter goes.
1120 Still nothing but the Doctors are busy looking after all the new Mums on the Labour Ward. I’ve been given some compression socks though which is strange, I never had these with Daisy. I was told I can refuse them but I’m not about to be a pain in the arse! She said I’ll be less active in here but actually when I was induced with Daisy we walked and walked and walked and they don’t know how many hours I’ve spent sat on my sofa recently but anyway, on the socks have gone! Hoping the Doctors arrive soon as they prescribe the induction process and I’m super keen to get things kick started.
I’m pretty bloody hungry too. I last ate at 7:30am and I’m really limited with what I can eat. The hospital menu isn’t very gestational diabetic friendly so that will be interesting.
1300 Still no induction but that’s ok. Feel more relaxed in here than sat at home wondering. Just had a sausage as nothing they can offer is gestational diabetic friendly. Which is ridiculous but anyway, I can go and buy a salad or something and the NHS can’t cater for all so I’m not moaning.
1320 I’ve escaped for a big walk! They’ve said hopefully when I’m back something will happen. Eeekkk hope so.
1520 The Doctor still hasn’t prescribed the correct drugs needed to induce me. Feeling rather irritated! Daisys at a friends, I could be with her but instead I’ve been sat in the hospital since 9:30. Just telling myself to remain calm and grateful.
1630 hurray! Half hour on the heart rate monitor then the pessery!
1720 She’s quite literally been having a party in my stomach for the last 40 minutes so the midwife wants her heart rate to not excellerate so much before they induce me. Basically this baby needs to chill out! Her heart rate is going very high then low so they don’t want to excite her further by stimulating my uterus so I have to wait for the pessery to be inserted. She’s fine though but they’re just taking precautions which is great.
1820 Pessery In! Now on the monitor for an hour and then I’m free to walk about or whatever I fancy. It’s been a long day so far but the midwifes are so lovely.
1850 Just had the most scariest thing happen. The babies heart rate went down to around 50bpm for about 3minutes (not meant to go below 90bpm.) The midwife heard outside as I, typically, was eating a salad and she called for emergency assistance and within minutes there was about 7 people in the room and a doctor. I went on my left side and laid down and the heart rate started to go up. So the doctor thinks maybe she had hold of or was sat on the cord. The doctor and everyone were so incredibly calm. My poor partner was out getting me cheese and crackers and he rang the ward doorbell to be let in to be told your girlfriend is in with emergency care! So you can imagine he’s as pale as a sheet! Anyway, doctor examined me and all perfect. Have a canula fitted now Incase of a c-section or if I need more fluids plus they fitted the canula as they were ready there and then to wheel me off got an emergency c-section, just shows how fast they react in the event of a potential emergency. I asked why else I had the canula and they said if my blood pressure gets low in the future fluid can help. So all precautionary and perfectly ok.
Oh and ps. I’m actually getting pretty scared about the labor pains now. Just the unknown really, otherwise I’d say I’m pretty calm minus the incident. It’s worth noting the doctor said this probably happens a lot but I’d never know as I’m not on a monitor all the time.
2100 Just on be monitor again to see how baby is doing, again only precautionary and all ok. Have been for a nice walk around the hospital too. Getting a bit tired now probably because it’s so bloody warm! No signs of any contractions yet. They will examine me at midnight if I want which I do and then go from there. I know you can refuse these checks as they’re never nice but I would like to know how I was getting on.
2230 I have a new midwife now and I’ve expressed my concern that I’ll be left in pain on the ward when labour starts. But things feel different from when I had daisy. There’s more staff, it’s less busy and they said they’ll listen to me if I tell them I’m in lots of pain or if I think things are happening. So back to feeling less scared. I’ve had the most amazing midwifes so far, all day long. They’ve all listened and been a pleasure.
Roll on midnight to see how things are progressing although nothing so far.
Induction day 2
0045 On the monitor again and will see how things are progressing. Not had any pain or contractions yet.
0140 Not really progressed so another pessary in! Feeling a bit deflated now. And not enjoying the prospect of being away from daisy even longer. Never mind. Should prob get some sleep but I’ve never felt so awake!
Definitely feeling contractions but they’re extremely mild. Like mild mild period pains.
0230 Almost finished on the monitor for the last time. Defo having contractions now, still fairly mild though. Absolutely hit a wall though now and really would love some sleep. 10 mins left until I can go to the loo and back in bed monitor free. It’ll drag I know it.
0600 Slept until about 0500 on and off. Contractions really starting now and getting more painful. They’re in my lower abdomen and my bum! So very different to Daisys back contractions. Not sure if these will progress though, I can just breath through these so I’m sure they’re going to get more intense. Scared to have my waters broken as Daisys went naturally after induction. But I don’t feel this will happen just yet.
0840 Starting to feel deflated now. Makes me wonder why I agreed to be induced. (Babies safety of course) but it’s fairly evident she wasn’t ready. I decided to be induced early due to the risk in SIDS in GD babies and I had 3 episodes of reduced movement. GD wise there was no issues with baby’s weight or my glucose levels and I’d been off Metformin for 19 days.
0930 Doctor came around, and said the next steps would be to break my waters if they don’t go by themselves. Then to be moved to labour ward. I nearly started crying! I didn’t go to labour ward until I was fully dilated last time. This time I think I’ll be listened too and it feels different. Like it’s not as chaotic and busy. Plus I’ll shout louder this time!!
1000 Just had the most awful examination. It hurt so bad and she was so ruthless I told her to fucking wait while she was examining me as she asked me to move my leg and as I was moving she started the examination. I am now fuming and so upset. Not making any progress what so ever. As soon as this monitoring is done I need to walk walk walk. And I’m to wait 24 hours as the doctor has refused another pessery. Basically I’m just fuming. I’m having regular contractions but nothings going on or moving forward so I can’t wait for a nice stroll around the hospital !!!! NOT
1250 I’m going to refuse to be examined until shift handover! Daisys coming to meet us in an hour so that will be nice. And when I’m back the other midwife said I can have a bath with essential oils. Also the strong pains im getting very low are from the drugs I’ve been given not actually contractions. But I feel happier having that knowledge. It’s weird how you feel just from how you’re treated. I need to get back on track mentally and realise I’m still very lucky and even though this process hasn’t been all that plesent it’s done now and I need to ride on through and create my own happiness.
1530 Just had a nice bath with essential oils. No idea what was in it a my partner did it for me but anything to help. I actually started to feel my skin burn so maybe I had a slight reaction but the potential good outweighed it for me! Back on the bouncing ball.
2140 I haven’t wanted to write anything down for a while. I just feel like if I do publish these diaries I don’t want it to be all doom and gloom but that’s exactly what it would have been today. I’ve had waves of emotions. I’m truly petrified that once I finally go into labour it’s going to be so fast I’ll have this baby with no pain relief in a ward full of people. I think Daisys birth has had more of a lasting effect on me than previously thought. And I’ve seen two women so far in two days that have been wheeled out of here almost pushing their babies out. I’m what some people would describe as an empath and I’ve been crying for these women, I don’t want to! But I have, in secret! I just can’t help feel their sorrow, worries and their scaredness. Anyway, there’s a new midwife who’s lovely, and I’m still telling myself I’m grateful and lucky and the babies happy and to be honest that’s all that matters. Mind over matter here.
2300 Am having my second aromatherapy bath! Rose and eucalyptus. Smells Devine. She mixed it with a tiny drop of milk and let me pour it into a hot bath. No reaction this time and she thinks last time it was maybe peppermint.
Induction day 3
0000 Absolutely boiling but need to get some sleep. Top and tailing with my boyfriend so we can both rest. His chair doesn’t recline so it’s bloody uncomfortable. I don’t want him to leave just Incase!
0830 Whooooo slept a solid 4/5 hours. Feeling great. Doctors soon and see what they want to do with this failed induction!!!
1100 Labour ward is full so the doctors are super busy. Usually they try and see all the patients like me at 9am. I do keep having a ‘show’ but I’ve been having that for a week. All positive signs. Let’s just pray the doctor agrees to a 3rd and final pessery. At this rate, she’ll be born on her due date! Daisys having a whale of a time away from mummy and daddy though. I’ve kept my poor partner in the whole time because we genuinely thought she’d be here. Once the doctors been he’s going to go home to rest as now we realise it could be a while.
Also while I’m at it. I'm so pleased I kept this secret. Because the amount of messages I’m getting! I’m not even due until Sunday and if I went over due oh my god I wouldn’t be able to take it. Let’s leave women alone when they’re nearing their due date unless it’s a well wishing message like good luck as I know you’re due soon. And if you think your friends in labour leave them alone! As I’m deflated and if people knew and were asking me when and why I’d feel even more shit. Remember it can take women days (like me) or even have complications that they may just not want to talk about. I share a lot but I’m actually very private unless I WANT to share something. So people asking me questions I find too invasive. I’m the type of person who drip feeds information if I feel comfortable and then I’ll rightly so retract when it gets too much. It’s every persons right to keep information back.
1400 whoooo!!! I’m allowed a 3rd pessery. Just on the baby monitor to make sure she’s happy. Then pessery. Nervous about the examination after the last midwife! As long as they tell me and prepare me at each stage I don’t mind.
1530 Pessery in! Just balled my eyes after my eyes out after the examination as she didn’t hurt me at all. I guess the trauma yes I’ll say trauma of yesterday came back as to why she hurt me so bad. Totally unnecessary and I was absolutely petrified of today but it was FINE!!! Need to let it go now. Bad experience can be left in the past.
2037 Getting contractions from the drugs again! Great news. Cervix is short and soft. Looking promising. Being examined at about 10pm and they’ll assess then and may break my waters. I was lucky with Daisys induction and they broke by themselves. So going to keep active. Have told the midwives I’m concerned about it being fast. I keep laughing as I sound like a broken record but I’m so scared!!! Also labour ward is maxed out and has been since I arrived Monday. Mental.
2122 Getting stronger contractions and they’re going up my back so thinking I could start getting some real ones.
Going to have another bath soon too. And haven’t sat down since as trying to stay active.
Induction day 4
0250 Just not bloody going into labor!!!! It’s honestly baffling. I’ve had a little cry about being away from daisy. It’s been 3 nights and that’s the longest I’ve stayed away. I’ve seen her twice though so that’s a plus. She’s being such a good girl. She’s been to a garden Centre to see the animals and she’s been in one of the cars you get in mk shopping center too.
I’m unable to see the end currently. I’ve been in here for 4 days now. FOUR DAYS no baby! And my partners been here the whole time. Shit paternity leave right there!!!
0838 I should have had my waters broke last night but labor ward is full. So they’re dragging it out until I see the doctors. They will examine me and then say if it’s possible yes or no. This doesn’t need a doctor but midwife said they’d rather not examine more than once. Well I tell you now I’m getting really fucking mad in here. Just had a cry as I’m broken and can’t see an end and miss my fucking child!!!!
1100 Just been examined by a doctor. I’m 3cm, so happy. Baby’s head is low and perfect down below! I am on a waiting list for labor ward though to get my waters broken. Have sent the partner home to rest and will call him as soon as I’m allowed to go down or if my waters broke alone.
The doctor examined me and did a stretch and sweep and it wasn’t nice of course but he didn’t hurt me as much as the midwife from hell the other day. So I’ve been encouraged to complain. Which I will. I feel bad but imagine if you were a first time mother or someone who worries more than I do. It could really effect you. This doctor had his hand on her head so you can imagine how much that should have hurt and the midwife didn’t even do that. Every single person so far minus ‘that midwife’ has kept me informed the whole time, asking if I’m ok, telling me if I’m in pain to say and they’ll stop. Explaining the process.
My partner asked me – do you still feel in control during this birth! I laughed and said no. Not right now but praying for greatness in the labour ward. Also considering her due date is in 3 days makes me realise even more that I should have never agreed to be induced. This little baby is so happy. And I fell at the last hurdle but again, someone tells you your baby’s heart may stop if I don’t get induced you’re never going to argue with that! I refused the entire pregnancy and then 2 weeks before the due date I caved at that very comment!
1200 Had the best shower. Just stood there with it all hot and running on my back for ages!
1430 Holy crap! Labour ward is so full probably won’t be going for AGES!!!
1830 Pains have increased. Now up my back and front of stomach. I’ve asked when I will be examined to see what progress I’ve made but they don’t really do examinations anymore unless they have to. Which I guess is good as they’re so horrible but I just wanted to see what was going on. Labour Ward have people they are wanting to discharge now so I should get in there later tonight. Just having a bath now to help relax and ease my pain.
1950 OMG WE'VE ARRIVED IN LABOUR WARD. To have waters broken!!!!! Then she’ll let me mobilize as daisy was fast, meaning I may be able to avoid the hormone drip. I don’t remember ever seeing the room with daisy as I got to the room at 10cm. So this is lovely, getting nervous but keep saying – I can do this. At least I have gas & air and a midwife with us.
Guess I won’t be able to write any further!!!
2155 Waters broke! Lovely midwife called Nicola. Two hours now to see if I progress.
Baby is born!
0613 I’ll fill in the gaps soon but I feel so so blessed. I had the most amazing midwife who listened and who cared. I had everything I wanted except a water birth. I had music and dark lights, gas and air and aromatherapy. Perfect. Feeling very overwhelmed and quite shaken but just incredible.
Labour story will continue in a new blog post!